Fearless, Clueless, Witless ... Wu-less?

What would you do if you were at home late at night and you heard someone trying to break into your house? I discovered tonight that I, for one, would be up shoot creek.

I'm doing my usual 2 a.m., probably should go to bed but will look at just one more Web site thing when I think I hear keys fumbling in the lock on my front door. Shake it off as the music blares from the speakers ... but then I hear it again. Turn off the music and oh my holy crap someone is trying to get into my house!

Heart pounding, I spring out of my chair, and here's what my self-preservation instincts make me do: bolt to the front door, brandishing nothing but my tiny fists to confront my would-be attacker. For a second, my mind says, "Wait! Grab the phone, call 911, go out the back door!" But my feet, with a mind of their own, continue to propel me toward the front -- I don't know why -- so I could give the person a proper welcome? "Greetings, burglar, welcome to my defenseless home ..."

I reach the door, and for a split second my heart is in my throat as I see a tall, shadowy figure ... and then a wave of relief/surprise as I realize it's my friend Amanda, who has a set of my keys. She just needs a place to crash for the night, no big deal. But it takes me a good five minutes or so to stop shaking. Holy crap!

So, what lessons can we learn from this story?

1. It's never too late to call me. Really. It's only ever too early (before 11 a.m.), with exceptions if you're calling long distance and/or I haven't heard from you in ages.
2. I need to go out and buy a baseball bat to keep by my nightstand -- something, anything to wield besides my phone.
3. Good lord, I'm bad in a crisis.