At the Rehearsal Dinner: Delicious Bass

I've had two disturbing dreams recently. Both with this theme: I'm getting married and I don't realize it until the last minute. I hate what this suggests about me. I'm not husband hunting, honest!

Dream 1: I'm going about my regular business, la la la. Then my mom brings me a wedding dress to try on, and she informs me that the ceremony is the next day. Wha?? I had no idea I was even betrothed! Plus, the dress is hideous. It's strapless but very ornate up top with pink floral thingies all over it. *shudder*

I accept that I'm getting hitched the next day without question. My biggest beef? I have no shoes to go with this awful awful dress. There's a big scramble to get to DSW Warehouse (cheap, big selection) because it turns out the store is closing in like an hour. Much panic ensues about finding the right shoes in such a short span. The rest is kind of hazy. Something about shoes made of clear tubing that could change color. Something about a sports bar next to the store. That's all I remember. And I'm pretty sure I never knew who the groom was, hmm ...

Dream 2: This was last night. La la la, going about my unassuming life. Someone comes up and congratulates me on my engagement. Excuse me?!? This time I know who the lucky guy is: Jon Heder. Yes, in my dream, I unknowingly became engaged to Napoleon Dynamite. The big day is the next day! How do I feel about this after the shock wears off? At first, I decide to make the best of it. He seems like a nice guy. And in my subconscious he was the straight-hair, "Just Like Heaven" version of himself. Slightly less ew. I talk myself into believing we can learn to love each other.

But as the hours go by, (and by the way he hasn't appeared with me in the dream yet) I start to get anxious. I'm not really in love with him. I don't want to settle. I don't want to marry Napoleon Dynamite! And then he arrives, and I have to break the news to him, which for some reason involves me breaking a yellow plastic bracelet I've been wearing and giving it back to him. He takes it badly, I think. The rest is a haze.

Alas, no taming of wild honeymoon stallions for me ...