La la la, I Can't Hear You, Part 1

SPOILER ALERT: This post is about how much I hate spoilers. In describing my loathing for spoilers, I will be spoiling some details from the film "Atonement." If you have read any reviews of the film, you probably have read these same spoilers. But if you haven't, and you want to preserve the ignorance that I enjoyed going into this movie (and was so glad for), you should stop reading now. Come back after you've seen it! I recommend, and not just because I have a wee crush on James McAvoy.

If you've been to the movies with me, you've seen me in a common but not-very-flattering pose during the previews: head down, eyes shut, fingers in ears, teeth furiously gnashing against one another to block out discernible dialogue (usually in vain). I hate spoilers. Trailers are the worst kind. They invariably give away the funniest jokes or -- even worse -- show iconic/plot-turning scenes (often from the end).

My memory is moderately photographic, so these images get burned on my brain. And then what happens when I see the movie? The big joke and punch line? No laugh. Cuz I heard it before. Any suspense on whether protagonist X survives life-threatening situation Y? Killed. Cuz I remember X, alive and well, from a scene they haven't shown yet. Will Girl choose Boy A or Boy B? You get the idea.

Okay, it's usually obvious who gets the girl in those types of movies. My point is: I don't want the Big Kiss seared into my memory, and I don't want to spend the whole film waiting for the Big Joke or the "surprise" cameo. There's something to be said about going on a ride and not knowing -- or anticipating -- any of the turns along the way.

Case in point: "Atonement." SPOILER SPOILER! I managed to avoid any revelations about the plot; all I knew is that the story was "decade-spanning" and had some war in it. So I was blown away by that final leap when they showed Vanessa Redgrave in the present day. How awesome! I had no idea she was even in the film! And if I had known (easily learned from several critics' reviews; shame on them), I would have spent the duration of the movie thinking, "When's Vanessa Redgrave gonna show up?"

So, yeah, I'm sensitive to learning any kind of information about a film. I don't read movie reviews until after I've seen a flick. I let myself watch a trailer only once before the la-la-la embargo. If you're talking about a certain movie at the office, I'm going to abruptly leave, possibly with my hands on my ears. Please don't take it personally.

[Blog note: This post ran a lot longer than I normally like, so I decided to save Part 2 of this rant (spoilers of TV shows) for another day. If I get around to it.]